"Things NOT to say to a DJ when he's working"

Discussion in 'General DJ Forum' started by kaaos, Oct 25, 2007.

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  1. kaaos

    kaaos Forum Member

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    "Things NOT to say to a DJ when he's working"
    Some people think of us a jukeboxes, here is an introduction for the typical Clubber, Bar drunk, or any girl who thinks she's hot and everyone will stop what there doing to give them attention. All the hard working DJ's present this just for you......................


    1. I want to hear "-------"

    Hold on! U are not the only person in this club or party! Everybody in here wants to hear something different.... furthermore you are not the person who is writing my check for the night.

    have u stopped to think that...

    (a.) a hundred other people have requested or are gonna be requesting songs thru the night and the dj cant cater to just you.

    (b.) the dj you're talking to is a proffesional and has done thousands of parties and knows how to control a crowd without your input.

    (c.) the song you want to hear doesnt mix with the song that the dj is currently playing when u ask for it. (dj is playing something like "50 cent- i get money" and then u come and ask for a waaay slower or faster song that is a totally different speed which will mess up everybody's dance who is on the floor and then everybody gets angry and looks at the dj like he ****ed up when it was actually your request that killed everybody's flow.)

    2. "I'll pay you to play it"

    Contradictary to what u think.... a respected and professional dj doesnt get paid peanuts. The more valued djs who get booked on damn near every event u hear of make your paycheck that u worked all week to get in one night. Unless you are offering some Bill Gates or Donald Trump money... GET DA **** OUT OF MY FACE!

    3. "I dont know who sings it and I dont know the name of the song but it goes like this...

    Please don't sing for the dj! The dj has to put up with enough **** all night... between a hundred people just like you who think that you are the only person out of the whole hundred that he has to cater to.... and a bunch of drunk ass people with stankin ass breath all up in his face.

    Do the dj a favor and "DONT" give them a rendition of your favorite song!

    4. "Play this song and watch what happens"

    Why are u not the dj if u know exactly what to do? Why did the promoter hire me & not you then?

    5. "Yo... I can get some ass if u play that song"

    Son.... U must have a weak game if u need a song to get you some ass. i have gotten some ass to straight up silence b4. I got some ass to "redman- time 4 sum aksion" b4..... U can get ass to any song.... get your game up.

    6. "Yo... this is a song that I made.... play number such and such and watch everybody gonna go crazy"

    First of all.... we dont discriminate on anybody who doesnt have a deal... but, even when u play a "brand new" record by artists like Jay-z, 50 cent, Beyonce... you name the artist.... If everybody in the party hasnt heard that record b4 and it doesnt have a certain energy to it to keep that party goin.... everybody will clear the floor and be talkin about "kill the dj".... your record kills the whole floor and now the dj looks bad and on top of that... because your record did so bad now u wanna blame the dj "naah man... the dj aint play it right" no... it was your record that stunk up the place... the dj did not make any changes to your song... it was played the same way u handed it to him on the cd.

    7. "I dont know what I wanna hear.... do u have...?"

    It's a lot easier for you to go have another beer and figure out what you want to hear than it is for the dj to tell you the name of every song he has on him!

    8. "Why are u playing this wack ****? Nobody will dance to this!"

    It is advisable not to say this when the dance floor is packed (but, some people do anyway)! However, even if there is only ONE person on the floor, it still contradicts the statement u just made.

    9. "See... everybody is not dancing... they just ran off the floor!"

    Sometimes the dj has to purposely play **** that will clear the floor or calm the crowd down. It's called crowd control... the dj may be saving somebody's ass from gettin beat..... maybe yours!

    10. "I want to hear...." and then the dj says... "I just played that like 2 minutes ago" and then u say... "well can u play it again... I wasnt here when u played it"

    Unless the dj really knows u like that.... he'll start searching around for a piece of "GIVE A ****"

    Nobody gives a **** if u werent here already when the dj played the song... U should have got your ass there earlier. Now if the dj plays the song again right away when you said to play it again... he gets all kinds of wierd looks from everybody else just because "they just heard that song 2 minutes ago b4 u walked in" and you're the only idiot who wants to hear this song right now.

    We love to see our audience happy... but sometimes people just go waay overboard.

    If the dj has one hand on the mixer and one hand on a turntable 7 is wearing headphones, chances are the dj is in the middle of a mix and u trying to talk to him in the middle of it may **** the music up. The dj has to listen to the music that you hear surrounding you, plus another totally different song that he has to match up with the one you're hearing which is playing in the headphones.... and now u wanna add your voice. Thats like for instance... you're in your bed ****in and you and your sex partner are really into it... but some fool keeps knockin on your bedroom door.... u mad as hell!

    When u walk up to the dj.... even if u know me.... unless you are a dj thats supposed to be on the bill with me that night....

    Dont put your ****in hands on my turntables! then u do some dumb shyt like stop the song thats playing or try to scratch it in the middle of everybody dancing to the record... and then everybody in the party turns to look at the dj like he ****ed up. If the dj turns and Ike Turner's your ass for that u deserved it.
     
  2. djmarkyboy

    djmarkyboy New Member

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    13
    Hehe

    So true...

    The one that always gets me though (first you must bear in mind I get paid to play House music, thank god, all night long in a club that is known for its House nights) is when a girl who has been dancing for the last 2 hours comes up and says "Have you got any R&B, I don't like this music, it's ****... Way more people would dance to some R&B"...

    1. No, I don't like R&B... It may be your thing, but I ain't playing it...
    2. Don't you think that seeing as you've been dancing the last 2 hours, and in the last 2 hours i've played House music all that time, you might have heard some other music by now if this wasn't solely a House night?
    3. I am getting paid to play House music... Take it up with the owner/promoter if it's an issue, everyone else seems happy though...
    4. You've been dancing your nuts off for ages (as have loads of other people) and you have the bare faced cheek to say the music I'm playing is ****? Fine, Horses for courses and all that, but everyone else is smiling!
    5. No, I don't care how cute you are... I am not playing any R&B
    6. Even if I wanted to, I can't play any R&B as I don't have any with me... In fact, I don't own any R&B music, so how can I play it?

    Sorry... Glad I got that off my chest... Just a typical Saturday night for me though...

    Oh, and hope I haven't offended any lovers of R&B... It's not my bag, it might be yours, but what I'm getting at is the insistence of certain individuals (usually a spoilt young girl who has had one too many) that I should play exactly what they want NOW... If you get me...
     
  3. ttauri

    ttauri NI Product Owner

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    221
    Still, Marky, even if it's not your thing, you should try playing it. I bet lots more people would dance. :D

    My favorite has been: "Can I plug my iPod in?"

    The one I always dread is: "Can you play hip-hop?" (said while the Pete Rock & CL is playing :confused:).

    Peece,
    T. Tauri
     
  4. buenputter

    buenputter NI Product Owner

    Messages:
    1,858
    ...and even better the guy who dropped his 80 GB iPod at my booth, although I told him not to... returning while next track is playing... "This song is not on my iPod!"

    Am still happy that I did not die due to oxygen deficiency while laughing!
     
  5. boysteve

    boysteve NI Product Owner

    Messages:
    2,334
    One of the last gigs I did for free (except for favors for friends & obvious good promos for me) was for a frat (I know, I know....) that said they had a lot of future stuff coming up they'd pay me for but they wanted me to DJ a party for free to see if it'd work out. It smelled bad, but I didn't have anything going that night & said sure. I'd let a ton of people know I am NOT a rap/hip hop DJ; they were all clear on it.

    Not FIVE MINUTES into the gig they're asking for rap. I say I don't have any. Not, I won't play it: I don't have any. They ask if they can plug in their iPod and I can alternate. I say no way: I'm doing this for free, and I'm damned if I'm gonna sit down and wait out an iPod. They ask if they can rent my PA for the night and play their iPod through it. Hold on a second. You don't have any money to pay me for your frat party, but you'll PAY me to use my PA to play you're friggin' iPOD? Skrew you guys, I'm goin' home. And I did.

    My last resort, "go the hell away" line when people try to get me to play crap that has nothing to do with what I'm currently playing (nothing like a request for Metallica when you're dropping Tony Thomas) is: "Look, do I show up where you work and p1ss on the tire swing?"
     
  6. DJ_AS

    DJ_AS NI Product Owner

    Messages:
    452
    The people who try to get you to play tunes they have created / brought to the party are the rudest I find.

    And the "everlasting idiot" who won't listen...

    Him: "can you play some rock please"
    Me: "sorry, its a dance music night"
    Him: "but just play some rock... one track..."
    Me: "no, its a dance night"
    Him: "but just play some rock... one track..."
    Me: "no, its a dance night"
    Him: "but just play some rock... one track..."
    Me: "no, its a dance night"
    Him: "but just play some rock... one track..."
    Me: "no, its a dance night"
    Him: "but just play some rock... one track..."
    Me: "no, its a dance night"
    Him: "but just play some rock... one track..."
    Me: "no, its a dance night"
    Him: "but just play some rock... one track..."
    Me: "no, its a dance night"
    Him: "but just play some rock... one track..."
    Me: "no, its a dance night"
    Him: "but just play some rock... one track..."
    Me: "no, its a dance night"
    Him: "but just play some rock... one track..."
    Me: "no, its a dance night"
    Him: "but just play some rock... one track..."
    Me: "no, its a dance night"

    I could go on....
     
  7. Darryljames

    Darryljames NI Product Owner

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    120
    Lol,
    The amount of idiots who think you are their personal jukebox is so funny - you get used to it after a few years of heckling and develop interesting ways of dealing with it from "f**k off out of my booth you manky tosspot before I get the bouncer to introduce you to the stairs" (for the annoying rock fan who is in the wrong club entirely and thinks you should be playing Sepultura) to, "let's forget about the music for a minute darling and talk about you, no really, what's your name? Do you have a boyfriend? No? Do you want one? Maybe just for one night?".

    Being in the middle of a mix @ 2.40am playing banging tearout breaks and getting someone asking for Steps/S-Club/Rihanna/Any Winehouse/Sugababes/any number of other obviously NOT banging breaks tracks always makes me end myself. I once had a t-shirt made up with "Do I look like f**king Dave Lee Travis" printed on it but I got so many people asking who DLT is I realised how old I am and had to take it off....

    These days we deal with technical lieutenants by ignoring them or asking them to go and get us a drink - or three - annoying but pretty girls get chatted up (as long as the wife isn't looking) and then disposed of with totally inappropriate comments (without offending them so that they leave the club) and the football chavs get spoken to politely and asked to please leave the stage so that we can do our jobs - please mate :D
     
  8. Darryljames

    Darryljames NI Product Owner

    Messages:
    120
    :D :D

    Heh, should have been, "Where did my iPod go?" or, "why has my iPod been reformatted"

    :angry: :angry: :D :D
     
  9. Darryljames

    Darryljames NI Product Owner

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    120
    But they are a bit RnB aren't they ?



















    ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) :D :D
     
  10. DJ Freshfluke

    DJ Freshfluke Traktor Mod Moderator

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    26,751
    oh yeah, i got that too. i wish i could have seen my face when i first heard that... *gg*

    on the other hand, i got 2 times asked if i want to get married immediatly :D

    also, i've been always someone who asks the DJ if he has this and that track, if i feel this could be something, but of course polite and not asking for 50cent on a electro party. ;)
    and it's ok if people ask me to play certain tracks. i mean, i'm there to entertain and often people have good suggestions or valid wishes. but the described annoying type of people however is what we all keep in mind ;)
     
  11. alexrandom

    alexrandom NI Product Owner

    Messages:
    85
    Things not to say:
    When you are in the middle of your hard won slot on your own equipment, from unknown punter: "I've brought some records/cds with me do you mind if I have a go, I've never used this kind of equipment before though... "

    or..

    "The promoter/organiser has just told me to ask you if I can have a go for 5 minutes.."

    coupled with..

    "Can I have a go with some of your records, I don't have any myself.."

    How about..
    "Can you turn it down a bit, I've got a headache?"
    "Play something with some lyrics/a tune"

    From a completely p*ssed up tw*t, "Here mate, just let me grab hold of that really expensive piece of equipment and carry it down the stairs and across the road for you..."

    Things you *can* say
    "Can I get you a drink/recreational substance of your choice?"
    or a nice simple
    "Nice tunes! mate."
    always welcome:
    "I'm sober, can I give you a hand with all that heavy equipment and records at the end of the night/tomorrow?"
     
  12. ttauri

    ttauri NI Product Owner

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    221
    The kicker, of course, is that at least half the stuff the requester considers hip-hop is like: Rihanna, Beyonce... R&B singers. Very difficult for me as someone who grew up with hip-hop as a music kind of opposed to the pop-R&Bishness of its day (when it was common for folks to stress, like Phife, "strictly hardcore tracks, not a new jack swing") to process that.

    Peece,
    T. Tauri
     
  13. Darryljames

    Darryljames NI Product Owner

    Messages:
    120
    @ ttauri - I is listening to Funkdoobiest and DJ Shadow right now - that'll do innit :D :D

    That is THE classic, fortunately with the advent of really complicated djing software and a dazzling array of mixers and cd decks in the booth your average drunk munter is less likely to try that one...


    You hope :eek:
     
  14. kaaos

    kaaos Forum Member

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    1,311
    i once had this happen while at a house party with about 100 people and abot half dancing to house.

    a chick walks up to me and asks for

    "Micheal Bubble - Sway"

    She wants to hear it now because she has to leave soon.

    If she wasn't so good looking I'd of been very rude so I say:



    " Let me get this right....I have to play this song, (which I have by the way) have every one stop dancing so you can listen to it now?"

    Her face truned 10 shades of red as she walked away.
     
  15. Weeddigger

    Weeddigger Forum Member

    Messages:
    252

    Please define "punter"...
     
  16. djmarkyboy

    djmarkyboy New Member

    Messages:
    13
    Spot on...

    If someone who's into the music wants to come and chat to me about it, request a track or 2 that I'm likely to have, and generally be friendly and not a prat, I'm more than accomodating and often welcome this, especially as often I'm doing a 5 hour set on my own and someone to talk to for 5 mins (inbetween mixing) is often appreciated... Even the plonkers who think that cos they've been mixing for 6 months now, and are gonna be the next superstar DJ (look mate, I've been doing it for 9 years, my mixing is always beat perfect, I know how to work a crowd, etc etc... Be realistic!) and is a bit tipsy... At least it's amusing...

    I've not had the "here's my iPod" situation yet though myself... Be amusing when it happens and I ask them "exactly how do you suppose I connect it to the mixer then, let alone beatmatch a track off it into what I'm playing?" (not personally intending going down the route of buying one of those iPod mixing dock thingies)...

    Gonna have to try the approach of getting the young girls to go get me more drinks though I feel (nice approach darryljames)... Next time instead of "no I don't play R&B" I think I'll try "get me a drink first, then we'll talk" approach ;)
     
  17. boysteve

    boysteve NI Product Owner

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    2,334
    "Do I look like a jukebox to you?" generally stops that crap, too.
     
  18. ttauri

    ttauri NI Product Owner

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    221
    That'll do nicely. :D

    On the "request line" tip: now that we're all laptopped up, I'm waiting for the day when someone will expect me to download their request right then and there. :D :D

    Peece,
    T. Tauri
     
  19. alexrandom

    alexrandom NI Product Owner

    Messages:
    85
    UK english slang term for customer/audience member
     
  20. crucial d

    crucial d NI Product Owner

    Messages:
    1,719
    'punter' - (customer)... also used extensively in Australia & New Zealand.
     
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